A Complimentary Cocktail - Transcript of third sketch from BBC comedy sketch show “Lewis Macleod is Not Himself ” S1E01 (x) A final attempt by the cast at effing the ineffable for this episode. IDEK … ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
*Haiwaiian music plays with waves gently lapping the shore*
Resort Attendant: Welcome to Waikiki Paradise Resort, Mr –
“Martin”: Er … Freeman, as in, I’m a free man, yeah? Free from the pressures of acting, and actors, and one particular actor who just won’t leave me alone. *nervous chuckle* Yep, just two weeks’ holiday getting away from him – er, it all, yeah. Getting away from it all.
Resort Attendant: Very good. Take a seat, and I’ll send over a complimentary cocktail -
“Martin”: Oooo lovely.
Resort Attendant: - expertly mixed by our tallest, poshest, most flamboyant cocktail waitress who happens to talk really really really really fast.
“Martin”: Erm, wait. Wha - what did you say?
Cocktail Waitress: Your drink, sir?
“Martin”: Now you listen here – wait, you’re not him. Oh, never mind, thanks for the cocktail – oh, it’s got a bit of fruit on a stick …
“Benedict”: Fooled you again! It’s me!
*fairy tale harp chords* [medieval choral chant] Ben-ne-dict Cum-ber-baaatch!
“Martin”: Oh, now, no – don’t be so ridiculous … what are you, my cocktail stick now?!
“Benedict”: Of course I’m a cocktail stick! I’m sharp and fruity, and often found in ladies’ mouths! It was the perfect disguise.
“Martin”: OK, fine. Er, would you at least stir my mojito?
“Benedict”: Of course.
“Martin”: Thank you, Burberdur Kerbedur!
“Benedict”: Close enough.
1st sketch here “Knock, knock. Who’s There? Benedict Cumberbatch.”
2nd sketch here “Fargo … and a moose called Benedict”
That’s all there is for now.
- Love Actually 
There’s a mixture of fake relationship fics with a couple of marriage of convenience thrown in. This was requested by shazzaholmes. It will be added to as new fics are discovered. [22 fics]
- A Case of Identity by jkay1980 [AO3] 91k, teen - John and Sherlock have succeeded in rebuilding their friendship after Sherlock’s fake suicide, but an unusual case puts their relationship to the test. They pretend to be engaged and attend a marriage counseling workshop. Under the pretext of the case, Sherlock turns out to be a master of seduction, and John finally learns he might like Sherlock more than he thought.
- Hitting the Water at Sixty Miles an Hour by what_alchemy [AO3] 30k, explicit - “You love your mother, Sherlock?” John watched the muscles in Sherlock’s jaw jump. He nodded in one sharp jerk. “Then we’re going to her party and making her happy.” John let out a resigned sigh. “As a ruddy couple, you bastard.”
- Covert by Megg33k [AO3] 15k, explicit - Sherlock and John go undercover at a gay bar.
- A Cure For Boredom by emmagrant01 [AO3] 81k, explicit - They’d never talked about sex in the year they’d known each other. Well, that wasn’t quite correct: Sherlock had never said a word about sex; John had bemoaned his personal dearth of it on many occasions.
- A Kiss and a Cuddle Should be Sufficient by Evenlodes Friend [fanfiction.net] 7.5k, explicit -Going undercover, Sherlock and John pursue a vicious killer to a gay group sex party. Not unexpectedly, things get a little out of hand.
- Once More, With Feeling by redcarrigan [AO3] 21k, teen - To put off his meddlesome, matchmaking mother, John convinces Sherlock to play the role of his significant other. Unparalleled awkwardness ensues.
- A Bit Backwards by p.r. fox [fanfiction.net] 3k, general - Love, John muses, is sort of like a Quentin Tarantino film. Except not really.
- A Silver Sixpence by _doodle [LJ] 16k, explicit - “We need to get married,” Sherlock announced loudly as he came into the living room, waking John from his nap.
- That Partitioning of the Things of Youth by wearitcounts [AO3] 35k, explicit - Victor Trevor is in town, and nobody’s happy.
- The Norwood Love Builders by flawedamythyst [AO3] 47k, teen - Sherlock and John go undercover to solve the murder of Joanna Oldacre, but things are complicated by the many feelings John has been repressing in the wake of Sherlock’s faked death and return.
- Rainbow Hearts Retreat by PajamaSecrets [AO3] 11k, explicit - “It’s a same-sex couples retreat. For those experiencing troubles in their relationship. Consists of group and couples therapy as well as encouraging socialization between the couples. It’s all in their incredibly dull brochure.”
- A Contest of Wills - JanecShannon [AO3] 3.1k, teen - Mrs. Turner’s married ones decided to renew thier vows. The problem? John shares a wall with their bedroom and they are being very… enthusiastic… about the reawakening of thier passion. Sherlock decides to give them a taste of their own medicine.
- The Newlywed Game by patternofdefiance [AO3] 9k, explicit - What it says on the tin: John and Sherlock pretend to be married in order to be contestants in a Newlywed Game. Of course it’s for a case. Of course it doesn’t stay that way.
- A Marriage of Convenience by Phuchka [AO3] 43k, explicit - You are cordially invited to attend the wedding of The Honourable Sherlock Holmes, Alpha, younger brother of the Earl of Sherrinford with Mr. John Watson, Omega, son of Mr. Howard Watson, chairman of the City Bankers Guild. (mpreg)
- Declarations of Mutual Devotion by waketosleep [AO3] 2k, teen - “We should really get married.” John stared at the red mark on his wrist. “I’m sorry, what?
- The Troubles Of Marriage Counselling by starjenni [LJ] 2.5k, teen - Sherlock and John go to marriage counselling. Hilarity and angst happen in equal measures.
- Bells Are Ringing by Basingstoke [AO3] 1.3k, teen - “Oh bloody fucking DAMN!” Sherlock shouted, apropos of nothing. John nearly dropped his tea. John turned and found Sherlock shaking his passport. “Mycroft made me French.”
- Sherlock Holmes & The Mysterious Ex by Gatergirl79 [fanfiction.net] 27k, explicit - Sherlock and John are forced to spend Christmas with Sherlock’s family. An unsettling idea especially when John will have to play ‘Boyfriend’ thanks to Mycroft. But why exactly does Sherlock want to avoid a family party?
- Disguises are always a self-portrait by yellowteapots [AO3] 6.2k, not rated - Sherlock drummed his fingers on the arm rest irritably. “We might as well get our stories straight. Homosexuals, even alleged ones, tend to be more personal than heterosexual couples. ” They were headed to a Pride Fest for a case-triple suicide/murder- which, of course mean they had to pretend to be couple.
- There’s Not A Place On Earth I’d Rather Be Than Here by EverdeenFrayPotter [AO3] 6.1k, teen - Sherlock and John go undercover as a couple to a ball, to provide suitable evidence to convict a killer. There’s dancing, and kissing, and something about a murder.
- The Pretence of an Unacknowledged Truth by stickleworting [AO3] 28k, explicit - He’s decided to just be himself, cliché as it sounds. The lie about being Sherlock’s mate will be difficult enough to keep up, he’s not going to think up more of a charade regarding himself on top of that. (no mpreg)
- John Watson’s Twelve Days of Christmas by earlgreytea68 [AO3] 53k, mature - It’s the holiday season. John Watson needs money. Sherlock Holmes needs something else.
Mark Williams and Julie Walters behind the scenes of Bill&Fleur’s wedding
This should have just been put in the movie, as mr and mrs weasley probably dance just like this.
THIS IS GOLD
Sup b! Yeah i read this one first, which was useful and geared me up for the bible aka Enigma, which i’m painstakingly close to finishing. I did think about getting the one written by his Mother but A.Hodges said she was a bit dismissive on things, so haven’t bothered with that one particularly. I’ve been updating that post since reading the Enigma so there are edits on that post all the time. I did try and give a brief intro, and it wasn’t bad but i wasn’t quite as clued up as i am now so, bless me for trying but some things weren’t correct. All hopefully, up to scratch now though. At the painful bit of the book atm..
Get to know: Amanda Abbington
i want a show called Man Vs. Wilde where someone is put in the jungle with oscar wilde and has to survive not only the elements but also wilde’s random attacks and massive ego
Mann vs. Wilde.
Thomas Mann’s pretensiousness and sexual repression vs. Oscar Wilde’s sarcasm and blatant queerness.
Give it to me.
Real life vs Societal expectations
Yeah, news flash people, boobs generally only look “perky” while in a bra. A few are super lucky and have naturally perky boobs, most don’t. And this is because, SURPRISE, boobs are intended to feed babies and it’s hard for a baby being cradled in mum’s arm to reach a nipple that’s on the other side of the boob from where its mouth is.
Think of a soda fountain machine. The spouts are all pointing down, right? So you can put soda in a cup being held under the spout? If the spout was sticking straight out, it would be really hard to get a soda out of it.
Babies need to be able to reach a nipple easily so they can eat. Ergo, nipples are usually lower and angled more downward on a naturally hanging boob, both so it’s easier for a baby to reach and so gravity can do its part in pulling milk toward the nipple.
So there you go, outright ANATOMICAL proof that boobs are not there for the benefit of men.
Just making sure everyone has seen this beautiful commission from shootbadcabbies! Hooray for Disney!lock
Pride- Making of Featurette